Jesus Nailed To Wooden T's Cannot Compete With My Disease

We We're Always Waiting

2008-11-19T20:40:30Z

I saw daylights, last night in a dream about my first wife
Everybody leaves and Id expect as much from you
I saw daylights, last night in a dream about my old life
Everyone leaves so why, why wouldnt you

Holy Fuck

2008-11-09T05:46:40Z

Really. I dont even want to go into details but this shit is getting old really fucking quick and I swear to fucking God that if it happens again, I will slit both of their fucking throats. This shit is ending and the minute shes gone is when she has become dead to me. Let this also be a lesson to everyone else that I am no longer dealing with anyones shit. The time for this shit is done.

Yup

2008-11-02T04:01:44Z

Fuck your "God"

Your pretty fucking retarded to believe in something thats left you behind. Think everyone might be a tad bit old for fairy tales.

notalivenotdead @ 2008-10-24T18:35:00

2008-10-24T22:35:30Z

Somethings, they dont make much sense
Tonight I seem just a little too tense
The muscles in my body dont work like they used to
This heart doesnt pump blood like you do

I like the chorus sung together
If this song could only last forever
Maybe tomorrow Ill feel better
But I dont count on it
I lost faith in it

And tomorrow well dance
With our worries left at home
I think there might be a chance
That tonight Im not dancing alone
So darling, if you take my hand
Ill lead you onto the dance floor
I know this is all unplanned
Spur of the moment is something youve never done before

Lets stay here til the sun comes up
We can sit down when you think youve had enough
While you go freshen up Ill get us some drinks
Ill be back quicker than you can blink

Now, baby, I got nothing to give
Except a story from my past and the blood on my sleeve
I can tell you a million stories of how I lived
Or I can just listen to the way you breathe

I can surely say that tonight was a prize
And that its the first time I felt alive
A ride in the car with the music loud
Gazing at stars and the form of the clouds
Listen to the planes take off
With your eyes closed tight and your lips on mine
I hope you can say
That tonight you feel alive
We need to hurry before our hearts get any older
And that can happen any one of these nights

Ive been dying out here in the cold
Got a picture of you beside my bed to remind me of home
To remember the night we danced til the sun came up
The remind me of the first time I truely loved

notalivenotdead @ 2008-10-19T22:41:00

2008-10-20T02:41:09Z

Let me open my eyes
Let me see what Ive become
The clock turns these tides
I just cant go on
Oh my god, what have I done
Wasted time and have become no one
Where am I going? What does this leave
Its just too damn hard to believe
That this is the life for me

This is the first time
That Ive opened this door
And I feel your pain
Words just cant express
My mental distress
Ive done it yet again

If I could say Im sorry
Then bet Id say it one million times
If youd accept my apology
Im sure it would make me a better guy
A better person, after all
Thats what Im looking for
And the price is small
Next to having to walk out that door

And for the first time
Ive seen what Ive done
Believe me when I say
I can feel your pain
All this time is placed against us
Never have I been so lost
And I know this matter isnt getting any better
Its getting worse than the January weather
Never again shall I make the same mistake

Oh shining light, can you show me the way
Of these old cliches
Let the message convey
Rest firmly in my brain
A better grasp is all I need
As the message is impeding
And she took off fleeing
Im just too late

This is the first time
That Ive felt this way
And believe me when I say
That I can feel your pain

Words Of Fucking Inspiration

2008-10-18T06:27:54Z

If I could saw my way through this solid dead grass
Would the paradise I found be worth my time
If I could some how undo
Or make my soul stop the grind
Can you count your loves in order of how they died?
Well I could too
Now I feel like sinking in
To the wall I built with these mitts
How I loved it in my way
Now I pray for its decay
The more I make plans
The more I get depressed
Its as useless as business
A means to our end
When it kills to look your way
The stripped noose, the number two fade
The classic case
I took a piss in every ocean so fuck the world
I made a mess
So when the son of god is coming
Drop the rake and stop running
Get mad you son of a bitch
Every muscle is gripping tight for life
As the worm turns out the slug slips past our eyes
If we turn our backs, how can we stop the knife
If the world turns back around
Will it notice us trying to burn down the last tree on the lot of the last drug mart
Make me honest, give me solace
Get me over the motion
Depsite the next way to go
Money plays us
It recurits everybody
Join them, well beat them ourselves
In the end did it get to you?
In the end did it wear on your heart
When the son of god is coming
Drop the rake and stop running
Stand defiant to the mission in the way that it was given
Get mad you son of a bitch
Tell me why you did it?
In the end, did it get to your heart?
Well I know how it feels when everything falls apart.
In the end did it get to your heart
Well I know how it feels when everything falls apart
If I could saw my way through
In the end, did it get to your heart
This solid dead grass
I know how it feels when everything falls apart
Get mad you son of a bitch
In the end did it get to you?
In the end did it wear on your heart

Well Last Night At The Hospital

2008-10-15T03:51:16Z

I sat in my chair listening to these songs. Thought of the world, thought of myself and thought of everything that I could possibly cram in one nights worth of remberance. I seen images of her. I seen images of what I use to be and no one seems to understand why I think the way I do. That when all you do is regret and the things you should have done right now haunt you, its a damn shame. Its a damn shame that these are the things I regret. My life has meant nothing and will always mean nothing until it changes and I cant just make that happen. I cant just accept "God" into my life after seeing the shit I see everyday and what people must go through. If there is a God, he is dead to me. "But everything happens for a reason" Well whats the reason for all the shit I go through? Testing my faith? Kind of hard to test when I dont have any. Like I said, I just cant make it change. I need something to uplift me. I need something to motivate me. So maybe, just maybe, if I laid down in a hospital bed with the white light burning my eyes it will do something. I dont know and to be honest I dont give a fuck anymore because when it feels like your facing the world by yourself all that there is left to do is die. Eh fuck it, were all just meant to die anyways, right? What is our purpose on earth? To destroy it? Maybe when I find the reason behind the myths Ill understand what it means to feel alive.

The Fear, The Fear, The Fear

2008-10-12T14:43:50Z

The condition is so crushing as if all the world is crashing,
all the world comes crashing, world comes crashing down on me.

The news is a distorted view through someone else's glasses,
reprinted for the masses and so I killed my TV.

And are you the type to let yourself get scared?
We all go swimming naked, or at least strip to our underwear,
am I the type to miss you when I'm gone?
Well I guess it won't be that long...

Driving to strange places,
seeing even stranger faces and am I the type to let myself complain?
Everything's so foreign and so I plug my guitar into a broken amplifier
I am happy, I am sane and I am growing every day in every single way...

And I'm already gone,
and I'm feeling so free,
I will sing my victory song.
AWOOHOOHOO!

Until We're All Dead

2008-10-10T03:44:44Z

I really want to just hang myself. Seems like the most reasonable solution

notalivenotdead @ 2008-10-07T00:00:00

2008-10-07T04:00:47Z

If I piss you people off so much, then fine. We can all go our seperate ways. So in my final words.

Fuck you all

It Just Seems Like Everything Slips Away

2008-09-17T16:36:36Z

Fuck it. Fuck you. Fuck everyone. Live in a cave and see everyone for who they are. Fakes.

I Just Found A Friend In One Of Your Lies

2008-09-13T08:03:06Z

Today, September 13th, will always be the loneliest day of the year.

Its Easier Just Not To Care

2008-09-06T19:25:03Z

And go out with a bang

And I think tonight is the night to do it

Last Night

2008-08-31T18:20:03Z

Was the first time I felt alive in a long time

I Coul'da Benn A Contender

2008-08-29T17:22:55Z

Im living on heart attacks and broken dreams tonight

Finally

2008-08-27T18:21:05Z

I got some fucking sleep

Who You Are Is Not Enough

2008-08-25T18:08:13Z

"I dont try to be right, I just hope Im honest and end up somewhere
That girl that made you promise, she says, try not to care
I dont know if Im good and everyone knows
Ever feel like you were meant to be alone
I saw a play and the character said that he was destined to never feel at home

Im not sleeping and I dont care, Im singing loud but no one hears
Ill wake up tomorrow and still feel lost in these days
Cause what I had is slipping fast
Dr Howe, please call me back"

Saturday night, I got fucking wasted. I woke up Sunday night and had no rememberance of the night in question. However, I do remember my dream. It rekindled a shit load of feelings and as I listen to the Polar Bear Club, it only justifys them. A year ago, well, little over a year ago. I just know this these days

Who you are.. is not enough

I Think

2008-08-23T17:12:00Z

Everyone should listen to the Polar Bear Club

Sad Enough To Say That Alone I Could Barley Light A Match But Together We Can Burn This Place Down

2008-08-19T17:48:49Z

Im so glad I got out of the whole punk phase of my life. Seven years of abuse to my body was too much.

Getting There Is Getting By

2008-08-17T17:09:04Z

"Tie me here, in time, I think Ill do alright, Im tired of getting by"

So after I stumbled home around 4AM lying down listening to Punchline and with everything that has been happening as of late, I think Ill just find my place at the end of my rope. It just seems best

Sleep Brings Me Relief

2008-08-13T17:02:50Z

I dont even want to be here anymore. I dont want to be anywhere. This world is just a fucking letdown just like all the fucking people in it. Im done with it. I dont want it anymore

Progress

2008-07-17T14:26:20Z

We float with parasites all our lives with this advice: we learn until we're dead.
Be losers til your sanguine thoughts subside.
We learn until we're dead.
A falling dream's not just a morbid sign.
It's opportunity.
These days I find beauty as depressing as years beyond my time.
If you could make this old heart young again I'd find another topic to drone on,
a more fashionable vice to lean on.
Some better words to speak on that escaped my younger form.
But there's me with the geriatrics at the slot machines.
There's me. The embodiment of how slow life can be.
There's me. Short of imposing, please be involved.
Can I stop imploding at every obstacle thrown on me?
Imply this is only a prettier glimpse of a life so ugly that's mine.

Kursk

2008-07-14T14:50:42Z

The voices are silent echoes. This is the hardest part.
The water's up to our ankles with no sign of letting up.
But I'm still climbing out.
I always meant to tell you that I never meant you harm in this life.
I'll have to wait until the next to make things right.
I'm tapping s.o.s. codes on the wall, but this is as far as it goes.
I'm writing my regret notes from the heart.
I never loved you, you know.
Because I'm riding a lie and I'm writing a lie.
I took a chance and we're paying for the lie.
I'm writing "I know the fault's all mine", but please stay strong.
If they remember me, will they forget the meaning of why I came so far to drown?
I'm forgetting it myself.
I find I'm staring at these rusty bolts this hatch was attached to.
My eyes are glued. This coffin moves, angled down.
The skeletal walls are brittle. The salt corrodes it off.
Your spent oxygen fogs the metal. You're taking greedy breaths from us but I forgive you all.
Feels like Im already gone

notalivenotdead @ 2008-07-12T11:30:00

2008-07-12T15:30:56Z

No One Is Safe Til My Horse Wins Again

2008-07-10T15:30:08Z

Last night, was maybe,no, it was, the best night of my life. Mark and I got downtown around 6:30. Had a few drinks, talked alot about our lives, our music and so much more. Hung out with Nate from A Loss For Words(good pop punk band) and then we went into the show. Hung out with my idols the entire night. Watched The Swellers. They played an amazing set. So much energy, so much fun. After there set, helped the next band set up. Waited about 15 minutes and the band of my life took the stage. I seen A Wilhelm Scream. With that room nearly filled, I watched the best show of my life. I sung along to every song. Nuno kneed me in the face. They played alot of my favorite songs like Killing It, The King is Dead, The Horse, I Wipe My Ass With Showbiz, Hike, The Rip, Mute Print, Anchor End, Get Mad You Son Of A Bitch, Famous Friends And Fashion Drunks, The Soft Cell, Congratulations, Me Vs Morrissey In The Pretentious Contest(The Ladder Match), The Kids Can Eat A Bag Of Dicks and When I Was Alive: Walden III and We Built This City(On Debts And Booze)along with These Dead Streets with 5-9 and The Horse all songs off Career Suicide.I was drinking with them, hung out with them, had long talks with them. Just a great night overall. No show will ever beat this one